You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
