this beer tastes like vomit already
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
