i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
