So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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