if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize