did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
there's paper in my vomit.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
