I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
