That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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