her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
