You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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