he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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