i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize