did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
