I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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