well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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