You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
