yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
