Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
