It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm passing your future prison.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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