some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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