Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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