I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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