I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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