Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
