dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
