She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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