I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
