HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
