I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
