are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
