Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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