Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
