I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
