If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
