just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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