just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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