I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I can't turn off my feet"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
