I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
And then he peed in my hair
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