You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
