He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
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Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
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I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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