I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
