Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
