I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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