It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
