not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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