i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
