Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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