An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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