Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
