Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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