if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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