i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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