how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
