So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You ate ashes out of my bong
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
