You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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