Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
