i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
