I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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