She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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