if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
smell my finger.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
