is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
