Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
