I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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