her vagine was all disorganized.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
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I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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