got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
