I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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