We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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