My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
