If i come over, it means nothing
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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