I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she smelled like a LAN party
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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