I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
