When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i barfeds in our rink
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
