I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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