Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize