what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
organizing the empties. That sober.
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ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
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Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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