Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
