was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
