Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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