I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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