his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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