I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
