You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
