The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
