It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
