Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
