you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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