It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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