I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
